Getting annoyed at other people is usually caused by two things. Either the person is doing something that is extremely annoying (in most cases), or (and everyone has experienced this) the person is doing something that is completely normal, such as breathing, but for some reason you are annoyed dead to it. Trying to find a way to deal with it is good for your way of looking at other people and probably good for your health too.
Part 1 of 2: Dealing with annoying people
Step 1. Take a deep breath
By taking deep breaths from your diaphragm, you can actually reduce the amount of physical stress you feel. Count calmly to ten, slowly. Picture yourself at the beach. Let the sound of the waves and seagulls wash over you. Feel the mist of the sea water on your face and let it calm you down. Think of your most calming memory or experience; the feeling of a loved one, the feeling of success, the blessing of carelessness.
Step 2. Let go of how people are supposed to behave and what people are supposed to do
This step is about adjusting your expectations. All too often we have very specific ideas about how people should behave and what they should do, and then we get annoyed that they don't live up to our expectations. No more than good manners, we say. While expecting others to be basically decent is a reputable idea, it can cause a lot of annoyance, and sometimes make you unhappy. But there is another way to do this:
Lower your expectations. You don't have to give up hope in humanity, but don't expect other people to happily surprise you with their manners, tact, or language. If you don't expect too much from others in principle, you will appreciate it more if they do. Having reasonable expectations is an important condition for being less annoyed
Step 3. Ask yourself, what's in it for me?
"What do I gain by being so annoyed?" If you can think of it that way, it will probably become less important as well. You may feel superior to the other person. But do you really want how you feel about yourself to depend on what other people do, or on what you do? Your personality will be a lot stronger if you base it on what you do and not on what others do.
Step 4. Don't be afraid not to respond
When someone annoys us, the emotions we feel are often so strong that we find it hard not to react. In those moments, we start saying things we shouldn't, or doing things that we later regret. Usually, an outburst will make the situation worse instead of better. After taking a few deep breaths, find your own center and take a moment to see if it's worth your time to respond. Maybe it isn't.
Of course, if a co-worker has just finished a sexist rant, it's probably best to say something like, "Stefan, I don't think it's appropriate to compare women and cows like that." But if your coworker has played the same prank on you for the twentieth time, then in the long run it's probably best not to give them the pleasure of a response
Step 5. Pay attention to your own body language
Frowning, staring, and other unpleasant bodily expressions convey anger and contempt. And it is also contagious. So if they are aimed at a person that annoys you, then the subject of your annoyance is likely to get mad at you as well. Before you know it, things can escalate. Try to remain as calm and calm as possible, an attitude that in no way betrays that you are annoyed.
Step 6. Assume the best
Instead of assuming that the annoying person is trying to annoy you, assume that they don't know how they come across to others. The fact is that most people are not intentionally trying to annoy you. They probably don't realize that what they're doing is annoying. In other words, they are probably in their own little world and may not even be aware of you. Remember that you are more concerned with yourself than anyone else - the same goes for everyone else.
Step 7. Shake off the little things
A small child annoys you on the plane; a man talks loudly on the phone; a desk clerk asks you the same question twice when applying for your driver's license. These are trifles. In the grand scheme of things they mean nothing You can greatly improve your quality of life by learning to let go, to stop worrying about nothing, and focus your limited effort and energy on the things that really matter to you. most people: friends, family, health and safety, new things, adventure and lasting memories.
Accept the things you can't change. You can change yourself, the type of toilet paper you use, and the layout of your home. You cannot change someone else. Focus your energy on the things you can change, and those around you will notice
Step 8. Stop trying to please everyone
No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be someone who doesn't understand you or thinks about you in a not so positive way. Don't bother trying to win over those who ignore you or are hostile to you, because this is madness. It annoys you that you can't get everyone to like you as much as you think you deserve. This desire comes from a selfish angle and is poison.
- No matter who you are, there will always be someone who hates you. Whether it's because of your race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or social class, they apparently find it very difficult to see you as a human being in your own right. It is possible for people to get over those prejudices, but this rarely and never happens quickly.
- Show those people who hate you that they are wrong by doing your own thing. The best thing you can do to combat ignorance or prejudice is to forget it, move on with your own life, and prove what you are doing wrong. Show them what a great person you are. You don't have to confront them - just live your own life. The people who don't notice are probably also the people who can't be saved.
Part 2 of 2: Dealing with your own annoyance
Step 1. Try to find out what annoys you
What fuels your annoyance? Is it something really annoying, like your little brother repeating the same sound over and over when you've already asked him twice to stop, or is it something innocuous, like someone breathing loudly? If it's something that annoys you, then it's probably an underlying problem that you haven't resolved, either with that person or with yourself.
Step 2. Remember that annoyed people are annoying
Step aside for a moment and imagine how you come across when you're annoyed. Do you feel like you are the second coming of Christ Himself, someone that everyone wants to be around? Or are you irritable, moody, a sourpuss, the whiner that everyone balks at because they always spoil the fun of others? Chances are, if you allow other people to annoy you, you'll become the person you hate so much. The best motivation to avoid that fact is to recognize that you probably don't want to be the person you will become.
Step 3. Give yourself the advice you would like to give to the other person
If you're annoyed by someone, but you don't know why, or the fact that you're annoyed is frustrating you, give this trick a try. Formulate the advice you would like to give to that person. Suppose that person has played a hurtful prank on a friend of yours, and you want to tell the prankster to consider other people's feelings. Instead of giving this advice to that other person, turn it around and see if this advice applies to you. Yes, on you! Is there any way you can be more sympathetic to other people? Can you put down the attempt to make a joke? Have you thought about why your friend thought the prank was funny? Sometimes the advice we most want to give to others is the advice we most need ourselves.
Step 4. Be aware that your annoyance could be your problem and not the other person's
It is certainly possible that the underlying reason for being annoyed by something or someone is that it reminds us of ourselves; we don't want to believe we're really like that, so we distance ourselves from that person or thing, provoking annoyance and getting angry. Ask yourself: Are you annoyed that the other person is showing something that might be a little too familiar?
Step 5. Consider shaking up your life
Being annoyed can be a sign that you are too entrenched in your comfort zone. Try to shake things up a bit. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom, read books by authors that challenge your fundamental beliefs, take a trip abroad. Making changes in your life that pushes you out of your comfort zone and into new territory can lessen your annoyances and boost your compassion.
Anything that helps you grow and develop will tend to dampen your annoyances with other people. The more you learn about the world and the more you understand what motivates people, the less you will expect from other people. The key to happiness is to have lower expectations
- Positive thinking can make other people less annoying.
- Note that the online environment can also make you feel annoyed, only this time it concerns anonymous people that you do not even see. Try to make sure that negative interactions in an online environment don't affect you, that you don't lose your sense and move on when things start to get turbulent. Tomorrow it will all feel very different, if you have a good night's sleep on it.
- The nicer the person who annoys you, the more bitter you will be. Solve your own problems before you dump them on someone else's shoulders.
- Be careful of what you consider offensive behavior. If you turn a mosquito into an elephant, you run the risk of alienating others and causing them to find you annoying for being so fussy, thoughtless, and unkind.
- Be aware that sometimes you can turn a mosquito into an elephant by looking at each event individually. Look for patterns that may indicate actual conflicts that require mediation. Discuss the situation with trusted friends who are outside of the situation, or with a counselor if it really gets on your nerves, but don't respond. In all situations where there are deeper conflicts, an (exaggerated) reaction can put you right where they want you: embarrassing yourself or going over the line and getting into trouble.
- Be aware that contempt, contempt, and fear are contagious. Don't try to prove your dislike or contempt for a person that annoys you by asking for the opinion of others as to why that person is so annoying. A disrespectful mob is something you'd rather not see, and can quickly spill over into workplace, school, and other group bullying situations.