For some reason, some people think that being somewhat quiet and reserved is a negative trait. In reality, having such a personality can be something positive, or at least not something negative. In fact, there can be multiple benefits associated with these properties. There are also several ways to accept that you have these qualities.
Method 1 of 3: Recognizing the positive
Step 1. List all positives
While society tends to favor extroverted or more outward-looking personalities, that doesn't mean you're worth less. Make a list of all the positive effects that being quiet and reserved can have.
- Perhaps you are a particularly good listener.
- Maybe you play it safe and do it smart.
- Perhaps you are a good observer of situations and people.
- You may be considered modest.
- You may be considered considerate.
- Are there any other benefits of being quiet and reserved?
Step 2. Start a log
If you're having trouble making a list of the positives of being quiet and reserved, start by writing down specific moments where your personality has helped you. You may find that your memory is geared to remembering the negatives, but this technique can help you find the positives of your personality.
- If you have a smartphone, make your notes on it and transfer them to a Word document, or write your notes in a diary.
- If you don't have a phone to take notes while you're on the road, always have a pen and paper handy so you can jot down your thoughts throughout the day before you forget what happened.
Step 3. Read up on your personality
People have studied the power of quiet and reserved personalities. There are several resources that can offer you a new and supportive view of yourself:
- Read the book Quiet by Susan Cain:
- Learn about the evolutionary logic behind your personality. In some environments, introverts thrive better than extroverts, especially when an outward-looking attitude can come at the expense of something (such as living in a place where there are many infectious diseases, because being social exposes you to more pathogens).
- In other words, there is no such thing as a 'best' personality from the perspective of success over survival, rather it depends on a complex array of things, such as one's environment: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06 /26/opinion/sunday/26shyness.html
Step 4. Try to feel good about yourself
Once you have realized that there are many positive aspects to being quiet and reserved, try to accept yourself as you are. Accepting yourself is a positive quality in itself. And as long as you're happy with that, that's what matters most. Many people will indicate that being good in your own skin is more important than having a certain 'skin' in particular. There are a number of tips you can try to feel better about yourself:
- Make a list of all your strengths.
- Forgive yourself for what you have done wrong in the past. Try to remember that you can learn from mistakes, but those mistakes shouldn't hold you back in life.
- Treat yourself well and remember that perfection is not part of the experience of being human. You have quirks and flaws just like everyone else, and that's okay!
Step 5. Learn from successful introverts
There are some quiet and reserved people who have become successful in their own way. Take the following people:
- Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft.
- J.K Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series.
- Albert Einstein, one of the greatest physicists of all time.
- Rosa Parks, famous human rights activist.
Method 2 of 3: Seek out like-minded spirits
Step 1. Think about the people you know
Ask yourself if there is anyone in your social network with a similar personality. You can then start working on getting to know them better. It may be easier to learn to accept your personality if you surround yourself with others who are just like you.
You probably have more in common with people who are as quiet and reserved as you are than with people who are quite spontaneous and outgoing
Step 2. Find a meeting group of like-minded people
You can use the website http://shy.meetup.com/ to find and connect with other quiet and reserved people.
If there are no upcoming events in your area, organize one yourself
Step 3. Participate in online forums
Perhaps online conversations with other people who are like you can help you accept yourself. Realizing that there are a lot of other people who are also quiet and reserved can help you realize that your personal characteristics are very ordinary and not something to be ashamed of.
To find an online forum, use search terms like: "forums for shy people"
Step 4. Create a support group
If you're having trouble accepting yourself, consider starting a support group and then recruiting like-minded spirits for support.
- You will have to make some decisions about your group. Decide where and when you want to hold the meetings, and what the name of that group will be.
- You will also need to advertise the group. You can try to recruit people through online forums, or by putting up advertisements at bus stops in your locality.
Method 3 of 3: Seek professional help
Step 1. Seek out a mental health professional
No matter how hard you try, sometimes you just can't accept certain qualities of yourself on your own. That's totally okay and normal. In that case, it may be helpful to hire an expert, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, licensed medical social worker, licensed counselor, or relationship and family therapist, who can all help you deal with your problem.
- Find a psychologist via this website:
- If you want to find another professional in the field of medical health care, search the internet with terms such as, care provider + your zip code or, for example, relationship therapist + your city name.
Step 2. Consult your doctor
You may be suffering from a severe form of social anxiety. If this is the case, it may help to consult your doctor about the usefulness of medication to reduce anxiety.
You may be suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder if everyday social interactions cause you a lot of anxiety, fear or embarrassment because you feel that you are being judged negatively by others
Step 3. Make a list of complaints
If you decide to seek the help of a doctor or psychologist, there are a number of things you can do to get the most out of your visit. You can start by writing down the complaints you experience and under what circumstances.
It is better to do this in more detail than in less detail. Let your doctor decide what information is important and what is secondary
Step 4. Prepare a list of questions
There may be a number of things on your mind and you want to make sure you make the appointment as worthwhile as possible. You do this by bringing a list with questions in advance that you can refer to during the appointment. Examples of questions you can ask are:
- Ask about medications you might take.
- Ask about the pros and cons of medications.
- Ask about the alternatives to medications, such as a lifestyle change.
- Ask about the side effects of medications.
- Ask about the possible underlying cause of social anxiety disorder.