Stopping yourself from beating someone

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Stopping yourself from beating someone
Stopping yourself from beating someone

Strong feelings of hatred against someone can make you want to hurt that person when you're angry. However, beating someone up probably won't solve any problems and could come after you in the form of guilt, a bad reputation or even a lawsuit. Being able to manage your emotions and resolve a conflict can help you deal with your emotions in a nonviolent way.


Method 1 of 4: Soothe

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Step 1. Get out

Get away from the person you want to hit. If you are very angry, it is better to just walk away (even without explaining it to others) and give yourself time to cool down than to get into a scuffle.

If you are with a friend, decide whether it would be better for you to be alone or to vent your anger through your friend

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Step 2. Take a deep breath

To take advantage of the potential relaxation of deep breathing, take a deep breath into your abdomen. Place your hand on your diaphragm (between your stomach and chest) and inhale so deeply that your hand starts to move as soon as your abdomen begins to expand. Then exhale slowly.

Stay focused on your breath, inhale and exhale 8-10 times, or until you feel like you've regained control of your emotions

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Step 3. Make use of progressive muscle relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation consists of tensing and relaxing your body in progressive stages. Consciously tensing your own muscles can help you redirect the anger you feel. To practice progressive muscle relaxation, take a few deep breaths, then do the following:

  • Start with the muscles of your face and head. Hold the tension for 20 seconds, then release.
  • Work your way down, tightening and releasing the shoulders, arms, back, hands, abdomen, legs, feet, and toes.
  • Take a deep breath and feel the relaxation from your toes all the way up to your head.
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Step 4. Talk to yourself in a positive way

Repeat a helpful mantra, such as "I can control my actions." Try to reframe your negative thoughts about the person in a more positive way. Changing your thinking (known as "cognitive restructuring") from focusing on unreasonable negative or angry thoughts to more realistic, positive thoughts, which can help you resist violent acts.

For example, instead of thinking "I hate this person and I want to beat him up," you can think, "I don't feel like spending time with this person, but I'm above violent behavior."

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Step 5. Distract yourself from the anger

Finding a pleasant distraction from the person who is making you angry can help you move forward and continue to control your actions. A distracting activity can be something you enjoy, such as playing a video game, shopping, going for a walk, pursuing a hobby, or playing a game of pool with a friend.

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Step 6. Remind yourself it's not worth it

Even if you think you can get real satisfaction from hitting someone you hate, it's unlikely to make you feel any better than you think it will. In addition, the result may be that you are arrested or prosecuted for the attack, which can become expensive and time-consuming.

You might say to yourself, "This guy, while annoying, isn't worth my time. I can't afford to lose time from work because I'm in jail or on a lawsuit, and I'm not willing to to give this man power over my life I walk the other way instead of confronting him

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Step 7. Limit your alcohol consumption

If you find yourself in a situation where you may be around someone you don't like, don't drink alcohol. Drinking alcohol can interfere with reason and hinder your ability to control your actions effectively.

Method 2 of 4: Dealing with your anger

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Step 1. Practice your self-awareness

Knowing when you are going to lose control and possibly become violent can help you stop yourself before you lose control. Watch your thoughts and the cues from your physical body for signs of emerging anger. Violent behavior may be lurking as soon as you start to feel the following:

  • Tense muscles and jaw
  • Headache or stomachache
  • Increased heart rate
  • Sudden sweating or shaking
  • A dizzy feeling
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Step 2. Work on developing impulse control

Most people have no intention of resorting to physical violence; it happens in the moment as a response to strong emotions or as a result of escalating conflict. You can avoid reacting violently to a trigger by strengthening your impulse control. Some strategies for developing or strengthening your impulse control include:

  • Delaying gratification. Delayed gratification in other areas can actually help develop impulse control in general. For example, if you always sit down to watch your favorite TV show right after you get home from work, try breaking that habit for an hour and doing some housework first. Accepting this delay will develop your willpower.
  • Develop some "if-then" scenarios beforehand. For example, you can decide beforehand: “If this person insults me or my friends, I will walk away.”
  • Make your body stronger. Some studies link strengthening your muscles and body through regular exercise with better impulse control and willpower.
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Step 3. Acknowledge your feelings

Accept that you hate someone and that you are angry when you are around them. Know that this is okay. You may not be able to change your thoughts and feelings about that person, but you can always choose how you interact with that person. Every time you speak or act, you make a choice about which words and actions to use.

For example, you might think something like, "I don't like this person. The way he talks to me and my friends makes me want to beat him up. It's normal to feel angry and hate certain people, but I will not let him lure me out of my tent and drag me into a raging quarrel."

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Step 4. Do some light exercise

Exercising can help you get rid of your "angry energy". It can also help you feel better by releasing endorphins in your brain, those neurotransmitters that make you feel better.

Over time, consistent exercise can help regulate your emotions and strengthen impulse control, as well as make you feel better in the here and now

Method 3 of 4: Resolving conflicts

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Step 1. Recognize a conflict

A conflict occurs when a disagreement escalates to the point of disrupting the interpersonal relationship. There are often strong emotions associated with conflict. Conflicts generally won't go away on their own without specifically addressing them.

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Step 2. Focus on maintaining or repairing a relationship

Even if you hate or even hate the person you are in conflict with, the conflict itself may be the source of your feelings. Focus your approach on resolving the conflict, based on the idea that you want to improve the relationship with that person

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Step 3. Stay calm and alert

By staying calm, you can better listen and respond to other people's premise. Keeping calm may also prevent the conflict from escalating, as the other person may respond positively to your calm demeanor.

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Step 4. Keep your emotions in check

This can be very difficult, but it is important to keep control of your emotions when you are involved in a conflict. This doesn't mean you shouldn't feel emotions and not even that you shouldn't express them; it simply means that you must not allow your emotions to take over your actions or attitude.

In addition, being aware of your own emotions can help you understand the emotions of other parties involved in conflict. This can help you understand the perspective of others

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Step 5. Recognize the feelings and words of the other party

Again, this can sometimes be difficult if you're having a conflict with someone you don't like. However, accepting and considering the feelings of the other person involved in the conflict can help you resolve the conflict. It helps you understand why the person acts the way he/she does. Acknowledging the other person's feelings out loud can help them see that you understand what that person means, and may relax the situation.

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Step 6. Continue to respect differences in personality or opinion

Some conflicts arise from a difference of opinion that cannot be resolved. It is possible to remain respectful of someone even when no agreement is reached on a specific conflict.

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Step 7. Find a solution to the conflict between the two of you

The key to resolving or deciding on the conflict involves working together to identify the specific problems and brainstorm solutions. This may mean some flexibility and negotiation, but if both (or all) parties are willing to work together on a solution, it is likely to be found.

Method 4 of 4: Get professional help

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Step 1. Determine if you have a problem with anger

If you feel an urge to beat someone up, you may have an anger management problem. While anger can be healthy, it can also take unhealthy forms. You may need to learn how to manage your anger through self-help or professional help if any of the following apply to you:

  • Insignificant things make you very angry.
  • When you're angry, you display aggressive behavior, including yelling, screaming, or hitting.
  • The problem is chronic; it happens again and again.
  • When you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your mood gets worse and your behavior becomes more violent.
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Step 2. Learn to meditate

Meditation can help you manage your emotions. If you find yourself too focused on negative feelings toward another person, give yourself a short mental break through meditation. Meditating regularly can help you control your emotions, which in turn can help you control your actions.

  • Take a slow, deep breath. Maintaining this breath will likely slow your elevated heart rate. You need to take a deep breath so that your belly bulges as you "inhale".
  • Visualize a golden, white light filling your body as you inhale, relaxing your mind. When you exhale, visualize muddy or dark colors leaving your body.
  • Making a habit of meditating every morning, even when you're not angry, will generally make you feel more calm.
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Step 3. Take an anger management course

Anger management courses have been proven to be very successful. Effective programs help you understand your anger, develop short-term strategies for dealing with your anger, and work on your skills to manage your emotions. There are many options available for finding a program that is right for you.

  • Individual programs may be available in your area for specific age groups, occupations, or living conditions.
  • Search online for an anger management program that's right for you, using keywords like "anger management course" plus the name of your city, state, or region. You can also look for appropriate programs by asking your doctor or therapist, or checking out community centers for self-improvement courses.
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Step 4. Go to therapy

The best way to learn to stop yourself from beating up others is to identify and treat the cause of your anger. A therapist can teach you relaxation techniques that you can use while interacting with people you dislike. She can help you develop emotional coping skills and communication training. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in helping to resolve problems from a person's past (for example, childhood neglect or abuse) can help mitigate anger associated with past events.

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