Personality is a collection of patterns - of thought, behavior and feeling - that make you who you are. And what do you think? Patterns can change. It will take a lot of work, but if you are really committed to this idea, anything is possible. Remember that your old personality will show up regularly, because all our beliefs and ways of thinking are shaped by our life experiences.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Laying the foundation
Step 1. Make a plan
This is a two-pronged action: what you want to change and what you want to become. One cannot exist without the other. This is a huge goal you want to achieve; you will need to know what you are getting into.
- How will your proposed new character contribute to your development as a person? Many people will come to the conclusion at this stage that a personality change is not necessary, but that it is enough to change a negative habit, which has a negative effect on your interaction with other people. Would a slight adjustment be enough?
- If there is someone you would like to be more like, discern what it is you want to imitate. Don't just look at a person and say, "Yeah, that's how I want to be." Try to figure out exactly what it is you admire – is it how they handle situations? Their way of speaking? How do they walk or move? More importantly, how does this contribute to your well-being?
Step 2. Tell someone
Part of the reason Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful is because you take something you usually don't talk about and you start discussing it openly. Making sure that someone else can hold you accountable gives you an extrinsic motivation that wouldn't be there otherwise.
Talk to a friend you trust completely about what you want to achieve. If they're really reliable, they can help point you in the right direction (either by telling you it's not necessary, or by keeping you focused). A hopefully more objective view of yourself, through the eyes of another, makes it easier to see how your behavior should be and what impression you make on others
Step 3. Create a reward system
This could be anything. Everything. It can be something as simple as a cup of chocolate milk, to an extended vacation. Whatever it is, make sure you give it enough value.
And set some milestones while you're at it. If you manage to walk up to that beautiful girl and say even one word, fantastic. That's better than nothing. If you walk up to her again the next week, and get a whole sentence out of it, great! Make sure you come up with a reward for everything; it's all a challenge
Method 2 of 5: Changing your thinking pattern
Step 1. Stop putting yourself in a box
If you consider yourself shy and reserved, you will start using this as a crutch. Why not go to that party on Friday? …Precisely. You have no reason. When you stop thinking of yourself as such or such, the world will open up to you.
You are constantly changing. If you consider yourself a nerd, you may be embracing the traits that come with it. But when you realize that you are always growing and changing, you can open yourself to opportunities that inspire growth, opportunities that you might otherwise avoid
Step 2. Stop fixations
Stop thinking in black and white. Girls can also enjoy math, authority is not inherently bad and textbooks have their uses. Once you realize that it is your perception of something that matters or you can do something with it, you will see more possibilities, and therefore more options to change your behavior.
Some people consider certain traits to be "fixed", and that has a big impact on how they behave. The opposite is a mindset that assumes "growth", properties are malleable and constantly changing. These principles develop early in childhood and can be an important factor of a personality. If you think something is "fixed", you are convinced that it cannot be changed. How do you view the world then? This can determine how you handle relationships, resolve conflicts, and recover quickly from a setback
Step 3. Get rid of those negative thoughts
Just stop. The beauty of the brain is that it is part of you and therefore you can control it. If you find yourself thinking, "Oh my gosh, I can't, I can't, I can't" then you probably won't. If that little voice starts whining, put a sock in it. It's no use to you at all.
- When the voice stirs again, make it sound like Donald Duck. Then it becomes a lot harder to take that voice seriously.
- Head up. Literal. Changing your body language can actually make you feel and think differently.
Method 3 of 5: Changing your feeling pattern
Step 1. Pretend until you make it your own
There is a proverb in Zen Buddhism that the best way out is the door. If you want to practice being less shy, approach people and start talking to them. If you admire people who read a lot, start reading. Just jump in at the deep end. People develop bad habits and there are several ways to change them.
No one needs to know how bad you are inside. Do you know why? Because that will go away soon enough. The mind has a wonderful ability to adapt. What you would never have dared before will become old-fashioned with time
Step 2. Choose another identity
Okay, method acting has gotten a bad name, but if Dustin Hoffman has done it, it's definitely worth a try. From this method you are completely absorbed in another character. It's not you, it's that other being you're trying to be.
This is a 24/7 activity. You have to adopt the habits of this new character in any situation. How about the person? What is the resting position of the face? What are their concerns? What do they do in their spare time? Who do they hang out with?
Step 3. Set a certain time that you can completely let loose
Okay, so completely jettisoning who you are and taking on a completely new personality simply by the power of your mind and habits is ridiculous. There is no way you can do this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therefore, give yourself a set time to be completely yourself.
If you're having a party on Friday that you really don't feel like, tell yourself on Friday night or Saturday morning that you can go all out for 20 minutes. But other than that, don't do anything at all. Keep it up. Do you know what will happen? You will find that you do not need those 20 minutes at all
Method 4 of 5: Changing your behavior pattern
Step 1. Throw yourself into new environments
Really, the only way you will notice change in yourself is if you add something new to your life. To do this you will need to pick up new behaviors, new people, and new activities. You can't do the same things over and over and expect different results.
- Start small. Join a club. Take a job outside your field. Start reading about this topic. More importantly, stay away from your old environments. First, you shouldn't hang around with people who do the opposite of whatever it is you're trying to achieve.
- Condition yourself. If you are afraid of spiders, put yourself in a room with a large one. A little closer every day. In the end you will be wrong. Still later you will hold the spider. Constant exposure dulls the brain from the same impressions and thus from fear. Now remove the "spiders" and replace them with whatever your target may be.
Step 2. Keep a journal
You need a decent dose of self-awareness to stay on track. Journaling will help organize your thoughts and analyze how you are coping with this change. Write down what has worked and what has not, to refine your method.
Step 3. Say "yes
If it's hard for you to adapt to new environments, think about this: stop rejecting possibilities. If you notice something that your old self wouldn't find interesting, take a look at it again. a friend asks you to do something you know nothing about, then agree.
That said, make safe decisions. If someone asks you to jump off a bridge into the sea, don't do it. Use your brain
Method 5 of 5: Putting the finishing touches on your transformation
Step 1. Put on the right clothes
Clothes may not make the man literal, but they can help to get and maintain the right way of thinking. While this doesn't change your personality in any way, it can act as a mnemonic for the person you want to become.
This could be something as small as wearing a hat. If there's anything that characterizes the new personality, keep an eye out for it. It will be easier for you to hold on to the new you and thus reduce cognitive dissonance
Step 2. Pick up habits
Clothes and thought patterns may not be enough. Think about what this new person would do and go do it. Does such a person move socially? Leave social media behind? Read the NRC? Whatever it is, go do it (within limits, of course).
You don't have to think big – the little things work too. Is she wearing a pink purse? Does she listen to a certain band? Try to propagate the new character as much as possible
Step 3. Settle into your personality
Now that you've picked up all those new habits and probably new friends and routines, it might be getting a little too much. What's important right now is to embrace yourself no matter what and wherever you are. Sit down and decide to stay where you are.
Uprooting yourself psychologically is risky. If successful, you may need time to really feel "yourself". Relax. This feeling will come as long as you keep this wish close to your well-being
Step 4. Think about your new personality
Did you really achieve what you wanted to achieve? Do other people think more positively about you now that you act differently and wear different clothes? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a false imitation of the ideal person?
Many people, at this stage, will realize that what they need is not a personality change, but an acceptance of who they are and a willingness to try to improve themselves, rather than hide the person under an artificial mask that they see. to wear in public
Tips
- Don't get frustrated if you don't change right away; this takes some time.
- If you feel like you can't change yourself because of your parents or other people in your life, make small changes. Get rid of habits you don't like and introduce new ones. If your parents or your spouse asks what's going on, explain that you're just trying to feel more comfortable with yourself.
- Change slowly; too drastic a change can raise questions in people. Recognize a problem and tackle it. Slowly but surely it will become more natural.
- Remember that you don't have to change for other people to accept you. It's hard to accept yourself for who you are, especially when you're low on the social ladder, but love yourself. Then others can too.
- Start before the summer so that in the fall people can get to know the new you.
- Never change who you are because other people want you to. If you're a nerd, don't get pissed just because they're so "cool". Just look at a group of Goths at school. They're all laughing at posh people, and making jokes about how every bully at school will one day work for them.
- It's better to improve your own personality than to try to change into a whole new person, so try to focus on your positive qualities and slowly filter out the negative aspects of yourself. Remember that no one is perfect, but strive to be the best person you can be.